3 July 2012

3.5 Timeouts Tuesday


I sometimes get stuck watching tv with the kids.  I remember back in the magical and mystical '70's, when we used to get up early on Saturdays to watch the Saturday morning cartoons.  We'd watch Bugs Bunny- before some idiot got all worried that five year olds might decide to pick up anvils and drop them on someone's head- or Superfriends, or wacky races, or Great Grape Ape, or the animated star trek series, or any other classic camp.  What do they have nowadays?  More often than not it is crap, sheer crap, served up as a platform to get kids to buy toys. So today I will discuss episodes of modern cartoons I would like to see,

1.

Caillou gets a Whuppin'.  If you have never seen this little brat and his show, you are lucky in ways you will never know.  The kid is an annoying, spoiled, unlikeable little brat.  Sometimes I would forego the whuppin' and prefer to see one called Caillou takes a Round to the Head.

2. 

Dora Gets Lost... and never finds her way back.  This show grates on my nerves like #1 grit sandpaper.  The way this dumb, big eyed kid talks like absolutely everything is THE. MOST. EXCITING. THING. EVER!!!!!!! drives me crazy.  And don't get me started about her idiot cousin, Diego the animal rescuer.  Kids will be shocked to learn that the animals he rescues aren't really friends in  the wild, but actually try and eat other.  Politically correct crap about how we're all really friends.  Yeah, Go Diego, Go... straight down the gullet of the next tiger you try and save.

3.

Spongebob gets annihilated.  You knew that garbage had to be on the list.  I know adults who actually like this show, and it used to confuse me, but then I found a piece of news that explained everything: Scientific studies have found that watching this show actually makes you dumber.  No, seriously.  Watching this show lowers your IQ, but let's face it:  if you are watching this show, your IQ could not have been too high to begin with.  This little sponge needs to be wrung out, hard, often, and permanently.

3.5

Change of topic: happy fourth to my American readers.

5 comments:

LarryD said...

If you hate Dora, then you won't like this: http://laughingsquid.com/dora-the-explorer-live-action-thriller-with-modern-familys-ariel-winter/

Thanks for the 7/4 sentiments - and I hope you and your family had an enjoyable Canada Day!

Mrs. Stewart said...

Clifford The Big Red Dog, the PBS Kids program. It stinks on many levels. If you are forced to watch it, have a pan nearby so you can puke into it. How about an episode where he gets caught in a giant bear trap?

Bear-i-tone said...

LarryD: That was frackin' hilarious! And we did sort of have a good Canada Day.

Mrs Stewart: Welcome. i would have included Clifford, and a hundred others, but this was just 3.5 Timeouts.

The Ranter said...

Oy vey! As a parent who has to watch some of these on a weekly basis, I totally agree with you!

mary333 said...

Caillou takes the cake. You have no idea how many episodes of this show I had to suffer through. Definitely needs a "whuppin". Not even sure that would do the trick. The "round to the head" might though....