Why exactly does this CWN headline make me laugh?

Protestants Criticize, Orthodox Welcome Vatican Document
In Order to be defined as a Church the community must meet two Criteria

1) a direct link to its founding BY Christ himself,because Christ founded "The Church," and its bishops must have suceeded the Apostles.
2) must have a Sacramental Priesthood.

I would like to find one Protestant church that can trace its institution to our Lord Jesus Christ. Let me be clear, what Protestant Community got its foundation by Christ Himself.

"The Supremacy of The Church was granted to Saint Peter, and his successors, by our Lord Jesus Christ, whilst He lived and was personally present here on earth." -- St. Thomas More in A Man For All Seasons.

Who granted the Supremacy of the Anglican Communion? The Presbyterians? The Lutherans?The Baptists? The Methodists? etc etc.

Further their Bishops, if the Community has bishops, must be successors in direct line to the Apostles.

Further, which of the Protestant Communities have a sacramental priesthood. That is the SACRAMENT of Holy Orders, where the man becomes a priest. Not a minister, not a preacher, but a priest, who has been consecrated so that at the Celebration of the Sacrifice of the Holy Mass, can change unleavened bread and wine into the Body and Blood of the Lord. The Sacrament of Holy Orders is conferred on men, by bishops. And this requirement brings us back to the first criterium.

These protestant communties don't meet the both criteria for being defined as "Church." Being upset by this is like a triangle being upset it can't be called a rectangle, because though, it may not have four sides with opposite sides being equal, but it still has 3 sides with two of its side being equal. It appears to fit some of the criteria. The criteria it meets makes it a Triangle, albeit an Isosceles Triangle, but a triangle nonetheless. It CANNOT be called a RECTANGLE.