Short story and quiz

Read the following carefully. There will be a quiz at the end.

On Monday Puff was dropping Elder off at school when she ran into the former teacher of one of our children. (A reminder: our children go to a Catholic school. We've even run into this teacher at church.) Puff and teacher speak for a while. The conversation begins with the Palm Sunday Mass. The teacher exclaims: "Mass was too long and boring! The Passion went on forever. Couldn't father have done something to liven it up, like have the children act it out?"

Let me pause in my narrative for a moment to say that I find the idea of nailing a little tyke to a cross for the sake of entertainment to be intriguing, especially when the idea comes from a teacher. I continue.

Puff tied to explain that the Mass has to be done the way it is, and the conversation continued until it got around to the subject of wearing green for St Patrick's Day. The teacher was either unaware that St. Patrick's Day had been moved to the previous Friday, or she thought it should have been left alone. Puff again tried to explain that St Patrick's was a religious holiday, and the day should therefore be celebrated on the day that the religious hierarchy decides, rather than the day the pubs decide. At this point the teacher looked at Puff as though she had just grown a second head and asked: "You're not a member of Opus Dei, are you?"

Now here's your question:

What are the odds the sum total of this teacher's knowledge of Catholicism comes from The Da Vinci Code? Please provide your answers in the combox. Remember to use complete sentences. Grammar and spelling count.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I should have flunked more teachers when I had the chance.