25 June 2011

More tales from the lunchroom

A coworker had the following tale of anti theft deterrent and superlative police investigative skills.

The worker and his wife were in bed one night when their dog, a mastiff something mix, who slept in their room, suddenly sat up, began growling, and dashed down the stairs and immediately began barking up a storm.  The coworker, assuming the dog smelt a skunk or a raccoon outside, was in no hurry to get up and see what was the matter, and had barely put on his house coat and slippers when the dog stopped barking, trotted happily upstairs, curled up and went back into a deep, satisfied doggy sleep.  The coworker decided to do the same, and was soon snoring.

The next morning, the wife went downstairs while the co-worker went into the shower.   He was barely wet when his wife charged into the bathroom.  'Didn't you check and see what the dog was barking at last night?" she demanded.

"No," he said.  "I just thought it was a skunk or something.  Why?  What's the matter?"

"The back door is missing!"

The police were soon summoned to the house, where they perused the damage with a practiced eye.  The coworker had yet to say anything about the barking in the night, when a police officer asked him:  "Do you, by any chance, own a dog?"

"Yes," he said.

"Would he happen to be large and black?" asked the officer.

"Yes," answered the coworker.

"Ah.  It's starting to come together," said the officer.

"What is?" asked the coworker. 

"We have a guy in the hospital from last night," began the officer.  "He said he was attacked by a black bear in the hydro field behind you house last night.  He also has a record for breaking and entering."

"No way," said the coworker.

"Mmm-huh," said the officer.  "He's actually quite lucky to be alive.  He has a bite in his thigh that nicked an artery.  He's lucky to have made it to the hospital."

"Oh no," said the coworker, scared.  "Does that mean.... I mean, you're not... You're not going to put down my dog over this?"

"Why would we want to do that?" said the officer, closing his notebook.  "He was attacked by a bear."

That night, the coworker stopped off at the butcher's on his way home from work, and bought some nice, thick steaks for Man's Best Friend.

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