Heard at work

These are the sort of things that pass for humour at work.

***

A: Anybody know anything about the new assistant assistant manager?

B:  Hasn't done much of anything yet.  According to his credentials he's worked at a few other bookstores, and has also worked for x and y and z publishing companies.

C:  Someone with relevant experience in the industry?  That doesn't sound like the kind of manager we'd hire.

A:  He looks young for a guy to have had that many jobs.  I have contacts with a few of those places.  I'll see what I can find out.

B:  I'll call a few of the publishing companies.

***

Old hand, to a temp newbie:  I can't help you with that.  You have to talk to Al.

Newbie:  Which one's Al?

Old hand:  You've seen him.  Ugly guy.  Looks like a douche bag.

Newbie pauses for a second, thinking.  Then the light goes on:  Oh, him.

***

Coworker:  All I want is to drink until my liver explodes, I fall into a coma and die a slow lingering death swimming in my own excrement.  Is that too much to ask?

***

A;  What's with the ambulance and police?

B: D.  had heart palpitations.

C:  No way!  D.  has a heart condition?

A: No way!  D.  has a heart?



***

X:  If you keep smoking, you'll die.

Y:  Death is only an issue to those who aren't already in Hell.

***

Q:  Did you see (NDP party leader) Jack Layton's funeral?

R:  No, but I approved of it, and heartily wish more politicians would have one, soon.

***

C;  Did you make the calls? 

A;  Yeah.  Turns out he got fired.

C: Fired?  From which one?

B:  All of them.

C:  Seriously? 

B:  Yup.  One of my contacts broke out laughing when I said we'd hired him.

C:  Sighs.  Now that sounds like someone we'd hire.