16 May 2013

Blog Day, part the eighth: On Men's Thought Experiments.

Sometimes at work we do what may loosely be called thought experiments, of the "what would you do if...?" variety.  They tend to focus on two types of questions: First, what would you do if you won the lottery? and Second, assuming money is no object, (i.e. you just won the lottery) and you had a seven car garage, with what kind of cars would you fill it?

The first I answered some time ago, but I will repeat it here.

If I only won a small lottery, with, say, a  few million, I would probably change very little.  However, if I won a big one, I would take out a commercial on television. Just me and a camera. And I would say to the camera and the audience:

Hello, my name is Bear, I have just won forty million dollars, and the following people can kiss my @$$:

My boss and fellow coworkers, if you think I am showing up at work on Monday.

My high school teachers who said I would never amount to anything. I didn't, but I'm still a millionaire anyway and you're not. Pucker up.

Whilst we are on the subject of high school, I would like to address all the girls back in high school who wouldn't go out with me because I wasn't good enough for you. How do you like my @$$ now?

Any old friends and or relatives who haven't been in contact with me for the last ten years, not even to send a Christmas Card. Don't bother trying to renew contact now, unless the contact is between your lips and my posterior.

Any charities out there who want to soak me for some of my dough. I have a list of charities to whom I intend to make some donations, but don't call me, I'll call you. if you do call me, your name will be struck from that list and put on another: the list of people who can kiss my @$$.

On the subject of annoying people trying to get money off of me, I would like to invite you all to take this opportunity to consider the wisdom of annoying someone who now has the wherewithal to hire hitmen- the good ones, the kind that don't get caught- whilst sitting on a beach in Costa Rica.

Lastly, I would like to invite the entire world at large to just pucker up and plant one on my backside. I won, you didn't, and you can all just kiss my @$$.

Thank you.

This has been a paid presentation by the "Bear kiss my @$$ foundation," a non-profit organization dedicated to the over-inflation of Bear's ego.

Having settled that matter, it is now time to turn my attention to the seven fantasy cars.  This one is a tough one, but I have narrowed it down to two possibilities.  First, seven of these, in difference colours:

 Or seven of these, also in different colours.

I mean the one on the left.  H2 Hummers are for wimps.  A misfire out of the Conquest' tailpipe would blow that little sucker away.

On the one hand, the Morgan Motors Roadster, top, has beauty, elegance, and cachet.  It has lines that hearken back to a bygone era, a time when cars were works of art.  On the other hand, the Conquest Knight XV has Awesome! going for it, and sheer road hogging bada$$ery.

Maybe three of one and four of the other? but which. and which?  Decisions decisions.  And then there's another matter: reality, which has a way of returning.  And it deserves a post of its own.

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