A now for something completely different

One of my guilty pleasures has returned. The results for the 2007 Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest are out!

If you haven't heard of the contest, go to the link:

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

They explain their aims better than I could, but in a nutshell:

The contest takes its name from the author of one of the most famous opening lines in literature: "It was a dark and stormy night..." The object of the contest is to write the opening line to what would hypothetically be the worst novel ever written. Past winners have included such literary crimes as:

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half
being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant for those
who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice for
those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time during the
actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it but your brain
wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
--Patricia E. Presutti, Lewiston, New
York (1986 Winner)

or:

"Ace, watch your head!" hissed Wanda urgently, yet somehow provocatively,
through red, full, sensuous lips, but he couldn't you know, since nobody can
actually watch more than part of his nose or a little cheek or lips if he really
tries, but he appreciated her warning.
--Janice Estey, Aspen, Colorado (1996
Winner)

or:

Through the gathering gloom of a late-October afternoon, along the greasy,
cracked paving-stones slick from the sputum of the sky, Stanley Ruddlethorp
wearily trudged up the hill from the cemetery where his wife, sister, brother,
and three children were all buried, and forced open the door of his decaying
house, blissfully unaware of the catastrophe that was soon to devastate his
life.
--Dr. David Chuter, Kingston, Surrey, ENGLAND(1999 Winner)

They also have a section entitled "sticks and stones" where readers send in samples of horrible writing they have found in published works. Overall, it is one of the most entertaining websites out there for me, without a shred of serious information or any matter of consequence to dilute my reading pleasure. If any of you have a literary bent, this site is a gift.