14 November 2008

More humour from people I know who have more interesting lives than I

I was speaking to an emergency room doctor a while back. He's rather funny, but he does not suffer fools gladly. "I tell you," he said to me. "People watch tv and think ER doctors have an exciting job, and every minute is filled with life and death decisions. In reality, you spend 95% of your time in a room with some idiot explaining to them just how dumb they really are." He then proceeded to tell me several examples of just how stupid some people are. So much for Doctor Patient Confidentiality.

He also explained to me the problem of drug addicts coming to the ER looking for a shot of some pain killer or other, preferably morphine. Some of them have come to realize that faking pain isn't enough, and have started to fake passing out. Most ER doctors have their own methods for weeding these ones out in a hurry. My friend used to call for a crash cart. But then he got a better idea.

The nurse in the room said to him, with a wink, I imagine. "Should I ready the paddles, doctor?"

He responded, loudly. "Aw, forget it. This guy's a write-off. Let's just start harvesting the organs. I'll get the eyes. You get the rib spreader and go after the heart."

Not to be blasphemous, but apparently Jesus himself did not resurrect the dead as fast as this doctor did. The man leapt from the table and ran as fast and as far away as he could. My acquaintance watched him go, thinking to himself: 'I should have thought of that years ago.'

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