26 February 2017

Me, being maudlin again.

I had another birthday this weekend.  Another big, round birthday.  I won't say how old, but at this stage there is no way to deny that I am closer to my grave than my birth.  I somehow managed to avoid the usual self loathing that comes with this time of year, but it is never far away.  So many years, so little to show, or so the black dog keeps telling me.  He and I have been acquaintances for a long time, but never friends.  he is no man's friend.

It was my first birthday without my mother.  I could always count on a phone call from her, and she would treat me to the worst rendition of Happy Birthday ever sung, and she would do it in two languages.  On the weekend closest to my birthday, I would go and see her.  She was, I am sorry to say, not a good cook.  Her birthday cakes for me would somehow fall apart half the time- a pile of crumbs held together by some icing.  What I wouldn't have given to hear her bad singing or to have tasted one of those lousy cakes again.

Damned onion cutting ninjas.


Kathleen1031 said...

60? I feel your pain, or felt it, last year. It's ok, it really is. Closer to seeing Our Lord in paradise, closer to our loved ones who have already gone home! Home, where there are no politics, scandals, upsetting divisions, and fear. We have our stuff to do, and it may not add up to a whole lot as the world figures, but, I'll take eternal life for earthly accomplishments any day. We won't care about this stuff at all. Phew.
My mom passed in 2011. She was my best friend. I used to say when I was in my 50's and she was in her 90's, I could finally keep up with her. She was a joy, and brought me joy, every single day. My beloved sister when home to the Lord two years later. Life's hard, even with faith. But recently I have come to realize, very clearly, when your loved ones go, they take part of you with them, we are never the same. I don't feel the same anyway. I mean, I have happiness and fun and am involved in work and family, but part of my heart is no longer here, it's in heaven with them. And I look forward to that day when earthly cares are over and eternal bliss begins.
Some people would say that's maudlin. But I say that is facing realities, which a lot of people pretend does not exist. They should rather, embrace it! We have everything, we have Jesus Christ.
Happy Birthday to you!

Bear said...

Not 60. And thanks.