CHRISTUS VINCIT: FATHER P AND BUBBA

CHRISTUS VINCIT: FATHER P AND BUBBA

Borrowed from Christus Vincit who got it from the Cavemen

Bubba: You know, cousin... I was wondering about that "Latin Mass" that you talk about so much. Mind if I ask you a few questions?
Father P: Go right ahead, Bubba.
Bubba Ray: Is it true that you ask folks in heaven to pray for you?
Father P: Sure do.
Bubba: What part?
Father P: Gloria.
Bubba: Who?
Father P: Gloria.
Bubba: No, I mean the part when you talk to the folks in heaven.
Father P: Gloria.
Bubba: I don't know no girl named Gloria.
Father P: No. I'm telling you that when we ask the Saints in heaven to pray for us, that's the Gloria.
Bubba: Gloria who?
Father P: *Sigh* We'll talk about that later. Is there anything else you wanted to ask me?
Bubba: Matter of fact, I do. Just exactly when do you start speaking to The Lord Himself?
Father P: Christe Elesion.
Bubba: Christy who?
Father P: No, not Christy... CHRISTE!
Bubba: Christy who?
Father P: No, no, no!! Not Christy... CHRISTE!
Bubba: I don't know no girl named Christy. But I know the family... the Ellisons. Ain't we kin to them on your momma's side? Didn't they use to live o'er by the Piggly-Wiggly? (I never knew these were real stores, I always thought the name was made up for TV programs or somethin'?) Father P: You're not listening, Bubba. Christe Elesion is Greek for...
Bubba: (Interrupting) Stop, stop, stop.... the only Greeks I knowd is when I got throwd in jail in Athens, Georgia. And why you keep tellin' me all 'bout these people I don't know?
Father P: No Bubba, I'm trying to tell you about the Mass. Like when we ask The Lord God to accept out sacrifices;
Bubba: An' what's that part called?
Father P: Hanc Igitur.
Bubba: AGAIN YOU TELLIN' ME 'BOUT PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW! I don't know no Hank, and I sho' don't know no Iggyture family!
Father P: *Sigh* We're getting nowhere fast, Bubba.
Bubba: No, don't quit on me yet, cousin. Can you tell me about all them doo-dads you got up there with ya?
Father P: Sure! Well, there's the candlesticks, the chalice, the burse, the...
Bubba: (Interrupting) Whoa, cuz. You got a ladies carry-all up there with ya?
Father P: What in the world are you talking about, Bubba?
Bubba: You said you got somethin' called a burse. Remember Aunt Tootie, the one with the hairlip? Buckshot's momma. She use to call it a burse too. Then again, she also say bocketbook.
Father P: No, Bubba! That's not what I meant at all! You're totally confusing things wit.... oh, forget it.
Bubba: Don't lose patience with me yet. I just want to know when your service is over.
Father P: I tell the congregation "Ite, missa est."
Bubba: Eat a mess a what?
Father P: No. Ite, missa est.
Bubba: Eat a mess a what?
Father P: ITE, MISSA EST!!!
Bubba: EAT A MESS A WHAT!!?? A whole mess a fried catfish, BBQ, snap beans and cornbread? I ain't never did hear of food called "est"? Is that some kinda Catholic food?
Father P: Cousin, I think this conversation is about over.
Bubba: Can I ask just one last question?
Father P: (exasperated) Why not!!
Bubba: Is there any part of your service where you ask God to forgive you of your sins?
Father P: Absolutely. During the Confiteor Dei.
Bubba: During Confederate Day!!?? That's the only thing you've said that's made any sense to me at all!!