8 October 2015

The Eff Word.

Warning:  the following is actually coarse humoured satire.  I am not actually recommending increased use of the F-word.  I felt like spoofing the numbskulls I deal with every single day, and I suffer from a low sense of humour, and occasionally it comes out.  Wait a while until I get it out of my system, and the high brow stuff will return.  Well, high-er.

Edit:  I went back and cleaned up the censored f- words.  Although they were censored, it didn't feel right having them here.

I was listening to a few university students talk on the bus the other day.  Every third word out of their mouth was "f-ck" or some derivative thereof.  Some may complain about the coarsening of our discourse. the deadening of thought and emotion, and how the utter rudeness of it has become commonplace.  I, however, wish to take a different tack. 
Language evolves over time.  Shakespeare did not speak the same as Chaucer, nor did Dickens speak the language of Shakespeare, nor do we speak like Dickens.  New words come into use, old words fall out of usage, and sometimes words acquire new meanings.  "F-ck" falls into the third category.  It has acquired a plethora of meanings and moods.  It moves from one part of speech to another.  It is a noun, a verb, an adverb, an adjective, a gerund, a participle- there is hardly a function it does not fulfill in common speech today.  It can fulfill every role in the English language.  I believe, if this trend continues, we shall witness a major shift in our language.  "F-ck" will go from being every third word to every other word, and from there it will, eventually become every word.  In short, it will be the English language.  Imagine that.  In the future, conversations between university students will look like this: 
"Bleep bleep, bleep bleep, bleep bleep bleep , bleepity bleep bleeping bleep." 

Translation: "Charles, my good man, I have just now perused your thesis, and I dare say it was very, very  impressive."
"Bleep bleeping bleep bleep bleep bleep?  Bleep, bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep. Bleep, bleep bleep bleep." 
Translation: "Do you really think so, old bean?  I must say, that is the nicest compliment I have had in some time.  I pray, do continue."

"Bleep!  Bleep bleep, bleep bleep, bleeping bleepity bleep bleep bleep bleep. Bleep bleep bleep bleep, bleep.  Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep. Bleep, bleep bleep, bleep bleep bleep. Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep."  


Translation:  "Forsooth!  Believe me, I would never lead you astray in such a critical matter as this, my dear, dear friend.   It is not vanity to wish to hear the truth. Your eloquence, your facility with our mother tongue- I swear to you I was moved to tears. I felt as though I had sipped of the well of the muses."  


"Bleeping bleep! Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep, bleep bleep, bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep?"  

Translation:  "That is simply splendid, and I am flattered beyond the ability of words to say!  I would dearly love to stay and hear more of your thoughts.  Perhaps we can meet later- perhaps you will be attending the shenanigans tonight?"  
"Bleep bleep. Bleep bleep  bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep."  

 Translation: "I am afraid not. It was my intention to stay home this evening and engage in conjugal relations with my wife."  
Yes people, this is the future coming to us, and it looks bright indeed..  

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