He barely moves...

...except for his hand, which strums up and down in a repeating motion. He doesn't say anything, but stares right into your soul, while occasionally looking down to his fingers. He, is ukelele man.*




*Comment from video.  So good I had to reproduce it.

Anniversary of the Moon Landing

I could celebrate by posting a video of the landing,

or,

I could celebrate by posting a video of Buzz Aldrin punching some moonhoaxer in the chops!

It's talk like Shakespeare Day

Today is the 396th anniversary of Shakespeare's Death, and also widely believed to be the 448th anniversary of his birth, and in honour of the day, all well meaning souls are to go out and speak in a manner like unto that of the bard.  Poor as I am, I give only my link to previous posts on the mighty Shakespeare, immortal bard of thrice happy memory, and this helpful video, which can instruct all true Christians in the arte of speaking in the manner of William Shaksper.

Litany for the conversion of internet thugs.

Composed by Fr. Z
(private use only, and when truly irritated, and when the alternative is foul language)

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, graciously hear us.
God, the Father of Heaven, have mercy on us.
God, the Son, Redeemer of the World, have mercy on us.
God, the Holy Ghost, have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God, have mercy on us.

Lest internet thugs be eternally tormented by all the fiends of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they pass eternity in utter despair, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they come to be damned for the harm they cause, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they roast forever in the deepest cinders of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they suffer the unceasing pain of loss, convert them, O Lord.

Lest devils endlessly increase their physical agony, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils twist their bowels and boil their blood in hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils use them as their toys and tools, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils gnaw on their skulls, convert them, O Lord.

Lest the innocent be harmed by their sins, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent yield to them in weakness, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent be drawn into their traps, convert them, O Lord.

From faceless Facebook admin drones, spare us O Lord.
From tweeting Twitter idiots, spare us O Lord.
From from heart-hardened spammers, spare us O Lord.
From rss feed problems, spare us O Lord.
From server memory resource difficulties, spare us O Lord.

From viruses, trojan horses, and all manner of snares, Lord save us.
From wasting our time, Lord save us.
From our own stupidity, Lord save us.

St. Isidore, defend us.
St. Francis de Sales, defend us.
St. Gabriel, defend us.
St. Michael, defend us.
Guardian angels, defend us.
All the angels and saints..... GRRRR

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord,
Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V. Christ, Jesus who died for our sins.
R. Return, and return swiftly.

Let us pray.
Almighty and eternal God,
who according to an ineffable plan
called us into existence to do your will
amid the vicissitudes and contagion of this world
grant, we beseech you,
through your mercy and grace
both to protect the innocent who use the tools of this digital age
and to convert from their evil ways all those who abuse them.
Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

If you like bad writing...

...and if you are reading this blog, odds are you do, then you will be delighted to know the annual Bulwer Lytton fiction contest results came out.

One must be very careful when one puts pen to paper: One never knows what may come of it.  For those of you who don't know, the contest is to write the opening line of what would be the worst novel ever written. It is named after Victorian novelist Bulwer-Lytton, who gave us such lines as "The pen is mightier than the the sword," or "The Great Unwashed" or "The almighty dollar". His novels included "The Last days of Pompeii" and "The Coming Race" which, through a very twisted path, gave rise to a very nasty Nazi mysticism, all centred around the search for some mystic power Lytton named "vril". Lytton would have been horrified to know what the Nazis had done with his work, but it is possible he may have been amused that a soup stock company took his little made up word of mystic power and combine it with the Latin word for cow to name their product, suggesting they were tapping into some kind of mystic cow power, or Bovril.

His most famous line, however, came from a now forgotten novel by the name of Paul Clifford. The line, loved and parodied many times over, is the opening words of the book: "It was a dark and stormy night..."

Caption contest

The original caption to this photo states that Obama and the French President are taking their place in a photo op with some of the G8 "junior members." Come up with better captions and leave them in the comment box.

I can't believe they ran this picture on the front page, above the fold, since the paper it was in has pushed obamaolatry to new heights.

"It Was a Dark and Stormy Night..."

If you know who wrote the above immortal phrase,- and no, it was not Snoopy- then chances are you know about the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. The challenge is to write the opening line to what would be the worst novel ever written, and ever year writers rise (or perhaps sink) to the challenge and come up with hilariously bad openings. This year's results are now out. Go. Enjoy.

I.D.(TEN) T.

That's the kind of problem most users, like me, have with their computers according to some computer experts.

A candle will be lit for the intentions of whoever first figures out what kind of computer problem an "I.D. (TEN) T." is.

I thought some might like this

Court'sy to Creative Minority Report

I imagine this was something of a disappointment

Got nothing

Just spent an hour writing a post, then deleted the whole mess. I hate it when that happens.

Too late to try and write another post. So here: watch a twelve year old sing Ave Maria for Britain's Got Talent.



She lost, by the way. Apparently she was not talented enough.

If you like Latin

...and who doesn't, then this link is for you. It's a Latin Motto generator. it allows you to create your own motto in Latin. The sidebar to this link has a lot of useful links to websites dedicated to the Latin language.

h/t Jeffrey at The Roving Medievalist

Get thee behind me

One of my worse temptations arrived by mail today: the catalogue of my favourite tool store. Page after page of tools to fill my dream shop. I read it with all the emotion of Gollum looking at the One Ring: "I wants it!" Except in my version it is more of a case of "I wants it! And that! That too!" Bad stuff.

I actually have two favourite tool stores. One specializes in industrial quality machines. Now, going in there my money is quite safe, and the tempter never really gets the better of me. I start out like Homer Simpson in a donut shop: "A Lathe with a six foot bed and 1 horsepower reversible motor with jaw chuck and built in repeater...." Forget that I don'thave room for such a thing, or even the proper outlet installed, I wants it! But it ends when the price tag comes into view: "Sixteen thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine dollars and ninety nine cents...nope, not happening." So I get what I came for and I leave, my bank account intact.

Not quite so my favourite store. Sure, they have the expensive stuff, but they also have cheaper stuff. Really neat stuff, for a reasonable fee. I can almost convince myself to buy it. "Fifty bucks, eh? I think I can afford that." That's how it begins. Then it spreads, because if I can afford fifty bucks for this, I can also afford fifty bucks for that. In fact, it's on sale. I'd be a fool not to. And before you know it, I'm out some serious coin. I've found, in my experience, that reasonable prices and sales can be far more dangerous to my budget than unreasonable, regular prices.

I am also starting to think that glossy magazines, whether they be for lingerie models or high carbon steel tool blades, are an instrument of the devil, sent out into the world to betray men into a whole host of sins, and should be no sooner received than tossed.

Why, then, is my catalog lying beside my side of the bed? And what is that little whisper in my ear?

Coolest. Mary. Ever.

I found a few images on-line of St Mary, Exterminatrix of Heresies.

BroAJK has listed Mary, the Exterminatrix of Heresies, as a patron of his blog, and requests her aid in keeping him from heresies. I request such aid from her as well.

In a lighter note, I'm tempted to have a caption contest for these two images. I'll start: "Back off! I'm a Virgin with a stick, and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Any else has any ideas, add them in the combox.

Attitude Adjusters for Guardian Angels to Use on Their Charges

A copy of what I think Bear's Angel uses on him.

From Archangel's Pulpit:

“'a 24 carat Gold Plated cast iron skillet 1st used on a certain apostle on his way to Damascus', namely [his] guardian angel's favo[u]rite method of gaining [his] attention."

Then there's mine Angel who needs something stronger, as suggested by a commentor on Archangel's Pulpit: a 2X4

- Puff

How Not To Argue

I have often have a problem with Proverbs 26:4 and 26:5. It is hard to know which one applies to a given situation.

Recently I had a huge spate of hits over this little piece I wrote a few weeks back. A few people left comments, a few others linked. One of the people who left a comment in an attempt to refute my arguments linked to my article so he could refute my arguments further on his own website. I invited him to return to this website so we could continue our debate. He has thus far declined, having already declared victory over me both here and on his own website.

Years ago, when European civilization rediscovered logic, people knew how to argue, and knew when an point was proven, and when it was not. Unfortunately, learning logic and arguments is difficult and most people have never learned. The internet has not helped matters, as anyone with a keyboard can type off anything they wish. Many people also seem to prefer the hit-and-run approach. Come in, fire off a few insults, declare yourself the winner, and run away. Ah, how ennobling is the gift of wit!

Here's his refutation of me in total (minus a cartoon at the top):

Paul Nichols‘ illustration notwithstanding, sometimes the critics of contemporary music can be a bit cartoonish themselves.

In surfing the various conservative sites that just can’t bear to link to the source material, I ran across a critique of “Gather Us In” that struck me as a limp and
arbitrary imitation of fisking. Complaining about the emphasis on the first person reference in singing, Bear-i-tone writes:

Here we have the first mention of the true subject of this song: Us. There are 27 or 28 mentions of “we” “our” or “us”. By comparison there are seven mentions of “you” and “your” which is presumably God. Or Edison.

Almost as over-indulged as the complaints about the Mass of Creation are the complaints about the improper focus in contemporary hymnody. The Voice of God complaint has pretty much been scuttled as a serious argument (here, among other places), as we find a good bit of it in the Lectionary: psalms, gospel acclamation verses, and the antiphons.

Some traditional-leaning Catholics have to find something on which to hang a complaint, so the logical approach seems to be to attack prayers of petition, out of context, of course. For whatever other problems the text of “Gather Us In” may have, it is at root, a prayer of petition. The assembly asks God to do several things in context of the Eucharistic gathering. Do conservatives have a problem with asking God for stuff? If the four-to-one ratio is bothersome, let’s look at a traditional classic. Anybody recognize these words?

I confess to almighty God,
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
that I have sinned through my own fault,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do;
and I ask blessed Mary, ever virgin,
all the angels and saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.

Word count: God (2), non-Divine persons and their qualities (13).

Are twenty-seven mentions of “we” or “our” or “us” too many for one part of the Mass? Don’t go near the Roman Canon. Would you believe it has forty? If you count the third-person references to other earthbound people (and I exclude the long lists of saints) the actual count of non-Divine persons or references is closer to fifty.

Watch out what you sing and pray for at a Catholic Mass. It may come back to bite you later.

Where to begin? He calls me out for not linking to the source. I didn't, because the source that started my rumination was a debate on Haugen's psalms, and I said I had no problems with them, and went off in a different direction. The original debate only got me thinking, but not about the debate. Ergo, the "source" (if it can be called that) was not relevant and a link unnecessary. He calls me a conservative, apparently a bad word for him. Personally I consider myself neither liberal nor conservative. Each side has their points and I agree and disagree accordingly, and periodically get slammed from both ends of the spectrum because of it.

Next he starts with a few insults- my writing is "limp" and this was an "arbitrary attempt at at a fisking" to warm you up for what follows: a single quotation taken completely out of context. He then registers his disdain for people who don't like this hymnody by referring to what he calls a "scuttled" argument about Vox Dei hymns. I am therefore lumped in a kind of argument I never made and which he presents as already refuted. By implication, my argument is already refuted, at least by association. Very cunning rhetorical trick on Todd's part, and well played. Then he begins his analysis.

In a sense, this "Todd" fellow is correct: numbers are not the best way to argue, which is why I used numbers only once to back up a point rather than make one by itself. My main point, if Todd had taken the time to try and understand rather than criticise, was that God is not mentioned at all, and this piece only leaves a few references to an undefined "you." This "you" may be assumed to be God if the song is sung in a church, but since the final verse of the piece says we are "Not...in a building" then we are not in a church, and if not in a church then where are we and whom are we asking to gather us in? This line, if nothing else, defeats the song's own context. This is opposed to a more elaborately designated "us": the poor, the haughty, the lame, the etc etc. The focus of this song, as I pointed out, is on us, the congregation, and not... someone else. At least Todd could have cut off the my reference to Edison at the end of the quotation, as it is completely without context and nonsensical as he has quoted it.

Oh, and he also claims that I am attacking those lines of the song "out of context." Pot, meet kettle.

But he goes further, and decides to prove me wrong by using my method of counting references to us and God on the Confiteor. Incidentally, notice he introduces the Confiteor with sarcasm, suggesting some people (I wonder whom) would not recognize it. Here he missed a golden opportunity. Had he used the Latin Confiteor, he would have had two more uses of the word "my" to draw on, and could have refuted me that much more.

Or could he? As I pointed out in my comments box, comparing the song to the Confiteor is apples and oranges. The Confiteor completely and totally defines the you we are addressing: "Almighty God". Furthermore, we are not exalted in any way, but are situated in a position of humility, as is stressed in the Latin, even with its extra "my"'s, because the Latin stresses "my fault, my fault, my most grievous fault."

I also mentioned in my article that I have a pet peeve about referring to the Body and Blood of Christ as bread and wine. Todd responds that most of the Eucharistic prayers refer to it as bread and wine even after the consecration. Going through my missal just to confirm what I thought, I found that of the four common prayers, three call it Body and Blood.

And so on. He brings out all the other prayers that refer to us more often than God, completely ignoring the context in which they are, because he said I ignored the context of the references to us in the song. I did not. That was one point situated in an argument, not the whole point. By ignoring my context in his hurry to refute what he saw as a "conservative leaning Catholic" he completely ignored the context, in short, exactly what he accuses me of doing.

This is what passes for argument and debate very often these days. A few insults backed up by a quotation or two, a few more insults, declare victory and run. He tells us, in brief, that it is nonsense to argue numbers of words without a glance at the meaning of the words. I agree, which is why I examined both numbers and meanings.

He concludes by telling us to be careful of what we sing and pray at Mass, in case it comes back to bite us later. I respond two ways: first, indeed, I am very careful about what I sing and pray, precisely because of what comes "later".

But to show you I know what Todd means when he refers to being bitten, and by implication and common association where, let me conclude by answering Todd according to his folly: Todd, here is my backside. Behold, no toothmarks!

Now pucker up.

Yes, I am a Nerd...

...and like many nerds, I am anxiously awaiting the beginning of the final season of Battlestar Galactica. Where I live, it will be Friday night at ten o'clock. I do not know if it begins before or after in the other regions, and therefore I will not publish any revelations in case I spoil it for another fan. In case someone out there gets the show before I do, I ask you to return the favour. If any do not, great shall be my wrath. Like an avenging Klingon shall I rise and seek the malefactor that I may smite him. Yea, verily I tell you, so terrible shall be my just vengeance that the people of Sodom and Gomorrah shall look upon thee and count themselves happy to have so light a punishment by comparison. Indeed, upon thee and thy children and thy children's children and thy children's children's children, and so on and so forth, shall my wrath wax until all shall know that .....

Aw, never mind. Just know I'll frown at my screen in a menacing sort of way.

Here's the deal

I went to one of my mother's euchre parties last night and I've come to a realisation: Euchre is an invention of the devil to tempt our souls into the sins of intemperate anger and uncharity. Which is another way of saying my cards stank all last night. That, and I somehow got stuck with the worst player there for partner four times out of eight games. To those of you who know and play the game: for starters, she asked me what was trump every single trick.

Neat Temperature conversion chart

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50º Fahrenheit (10 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians plant gardens.

35º Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian cars won't start. Canadians drive with the windows down.

32º Fahrenheit (0 C)
American water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.

0º Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. Canadians have the last
cookout of the season.

-60º Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Mount St.Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100º Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians
pull down their ear flaps.

-173º Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the
beer keg.

-460º Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "Cold, eh?"

-500º Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over. The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

So, my timing's off. What else is new?

Pop Quiz

How much beer was involved before this seemed like a good idea?

Round your guess off to the nearest six pack.